Orangey Sleepsis Birdy Peepsis

 


Stay with me now. Let's go full on conspiracy theory here. What if Natalie Harp is a spy, Trump's very own honeypot? According to Wiki, Harp was homeschooled, a dead give away that subterfuge is afoot. She has no past until she catches Trump's attention after she profusely thanks him for saving her life because she claims she had cancer, yet there is no evidence Harp ever had cancer. Somehow she has wrangled her way into the orange man's life. She's about as weird as a person can get and you better believe that was her giggling over the phone when Trump called into C-SPAN. Her own brother broke ties with Natalie and their mother when the two wanted to lie about how Natalie's father died, which was by suicide. (Or, was it? 😎) She's also an evangelical, another ruse to sweeten the pot, or plot. 

A great MAGA portfolio, the perfect set up to get Trump to notice, especially when she looks a bit like Ivanka, the daughter he'd like to boink. I'm not sure who'd she be spying for but my first guess would be she answers to Putin or Michael Wolfe, who claims he has sources in the House. Still with me? Seriously, she's perfect. Who else but a spy would sleep in a broom closet just to get close to the target? Who else but a spy would be willing to carry and change Donald's diapers? Who else but a spy could sit in the same room with him for hours at a time? Who else but a spy would write gushing love letters to him? Do you think any of his wives did that!? Trump is loving the attention. He may be old and the wanker no longer works but he enjoys being pawed over and flattered. You have to be getting paid massive amounts of money to pretend to care about an orange faced, overly fed cankle man who farts, shits and sleeps. Or, you are a very loyal comrade. Natalie is the one writing these Truth Social tweets whilst Trump is slumped in his chair with candy wrappers strewn about. Trump doesn't even care anymore. He's tired and I'm guessing just wants to decorate and eat Big Macs. Every night after Nat changes his last diaper, kisses his sweaty orange cheek and turns out his light, she checks in with Vladimir. It must be hidden within a code.

(Sung to NPR's theme song, 'All Things Considered.') 

"Orangey sleepsis 

Birdy peepsis

Takes a shower 

In golden hour*

Translation 👇

Trump's asleep 

Keeping eye on him

Has no memory 

Of photograph

That giggle was probably code as well. 

Of course, she could just be a crazy, stalking lunatic who howls at the moon and sleeps under Trump's bed. 

*You can also watch the movie, 'Murder, He Says,' starring Fred Macmurray, who is a tax collector come to the hills to meet one weird family who glow in the dark. It's the inspiration for the code above, sung in the movie by Elany Fleagle, a tune that NPR stole. 

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