Jump To Recipe!


 I don't know anyone who doesn't like pizza and most of us have a favorite place. Mine was Joe's Pizza in Wheeling, Illinois. I used to sit and watch the elderly man fling and toss dough into the air to create magic. It's been years since I've been there so now I order from something a bit closer- and definitely not a chain establishment where gross, cardboard entities are slapped about. There is no love inside those pizzas and no taste either. And- it's really getting hard for me to accept the price of a $30 pizza. The next resort is to buy frozen pizza from the Jewels or wherever you shop. It makes no difference because frozen pizza should never be called a pizza. Ever. 

So here is my solution and I'm going to reluctantly share it with you. I don't want a run on this product but I just cannot allow y'all to be eating that garbage they call pizza any longer.

Bread is also outrageous so we are going stop buying tasteless loaves that now cost around $5.

I buy Rhodes frozen dough. It cost $6.46 for five loaves. That's good. Even better is that it actually tastes like bread. Naturally the best solution is to make your own bread from scratch. I have tried and I don't have the touch. I dreamed of owning a bread machine and was gifted one last Christmas. I was so excited. The gift giver knew I wanted one and asked if a second hand machine would be okay. Since this giver was my offspring I said it would be fine. My very first try and the machine did one thing. Nothing. It sat in my closet getting a time out to mend its ways. Eventually it went to the recycle bin. I was heartbroken so I suppose I'll never know if I can make bread machine delicacies.

Now listen up, kids. There is a magical trick to getting that frozen loaf to taste absolutely delicious. Ok, it's not magic. It's science. Once your dough has had time to thaw out and start to expand to loaf size, you punch that dough. Squeeze and squish, getting the air out. Then you stick it in a bowl or whatever, glass preferable and the bread should be coated in olive oil. Just enough that it doesn't stick. Then cover it up and stick in your refrigerator for at least 24 hours. 36 is better because this is where the taste is formed. All that lovely stuff inside the dough is doing things. I'm not a scientist and this isn't the Bill Nye, the Science Guy show, but you can find out why easily enough. 

Once you have waited patiently, it's time to decorate. That is up to you and the kids will have fun creating their own meal. You will, too.

Caramelized onions

Peppers

Mushrooms 

Pepperoni 

Any pizza sauce, make your own if you really want a first class pizza.

The choice of cheese is important. It should be mozzarella - a good mozzarella. Havarti and gouda mixed with mozzarella is an excellent choice. Do not use Velveeta or any cheese that comes individually wrapped in plastic. Do not buy that chemically produced nightmare. We take our cheese seriously here in Cheddarland. 

It's an endless list of desires. Most importantly, it will taste exquisite. If I can do it, you can too. 

Comments

ex-ferrer said…
As a Ferrerman, I'm easy to please and satisfied with a FROZEN pizza from Aldi's. (I DO cook it though. That's best advice) I may well feel like I'm settling and copping out, but I get over it quickly. It can't always be Ledo's in Countryside, Il. the best in Chicago, tavern style pizza.
September 9, 2026 at 12:47 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best Books Of All Time?

Image
  😬 I consider myself an avid reader. Having noted that, there are very few books I have read from The Guardian's best 100 books of all time. My list is less than a dozen, even counting a few I started and never finished. 174 prominent writers participated in creating brain food for your pleasure. They each contributed ten of their favorite reads and someone somewhere somehow tabulated the favorites. Without further ado, the number one book of all time is ...... Middlemarch. The fucking hell it is. Lol. Like art, what you like is subjective. Some people believe Manga is good stuff. Others prefer historical novels, blah, blah, blah. I suppose the list is supposed to be taken more seriously because actual writers who make a living writing books have listed what they deemed the best read. I'm not a writer. I suppose like a musician who reads notes, understands the structure, the form, the timbre, they can recognize the whole. I just want a book that will entertain me and not try...
Read more

She's Still Dead

Image
   Ashli Babbitt was a traitor to this country. They can have all the ceremonial shenanigans the military likes to present as the deceased has been offered full military honors (We all know who requested that) it still won't negate the fact that she and thugs like her stormed a government building to do harm to others. They shit in the hallways. They carried confederate flags. They brought zip ties, bats and rage. The current regime can sugar coat it all they want but one day the orange man will be manure for his golf course grass and we can go back to truth being important. She deserved to be shot. More of them should have been shot that day. Every police officer should have followed the example of the police officer who did his job that day. These deplorables remind me of the fictional character, Ignatius J. Reilly, a lazy, selfish narcissist who decided to gather the factory employees in protest of some useless, archaic self indulgent mischief. He brought from home his soil...
Read more

Benny, Benny And No Regrets

Image
  It's just so hard to keep up with maga creeps. Here's Benny  Johnson, the guy who started the rumor that DC was a cesspool. He also claimed his house burned down while his family was in it. He's a liar. His house never burned down. You really can't believe much of what this asshat says because he has a habit of playing with facts. He also likes to steal other people's words. He has been fired and suspended numerous times for plagiarism, at least 41 times. It just boggles my mind when these people blatantly lie, then are outraged when called out. People like Johnson, Trump and Leavitt have probably lived their whole lives creating a make believe existence where lying is the norm. At some point it just becomes routine where they find lying acceptable and necessary. To me they are empty shells of mindless walking automatons. They live in a bubble of falsehoods. These are the people in charge of our country.  The NYTimes has done a story about Pinocchio Johnson. I dec...
Read more