Amazon Saves The World!

 

Ok, I didn't think the latest, 'War of the Worlds,' was that terrible, although, I see why people disliked it. It was a commercial for the MAGA billionaires. Every product supplied by Bezos, Zuckerberg, Musk and the Google guy were blatantly shown, front and center. I'm also not sure how the filmmakers were allowed to use the iconic title. 

If you haven't seen it, and many people have seen it simply to hate on it, let me take you through it. Ice Cube is basically a hacker who works for our government. He spies on everyone including his own grown children. Whilst he's at work, spying, the space invaders arrive because they want Goliath, or to destroy Goliath, for some reason. Goliath is a secret cyber weapon by our government which would give them full control of humans. How and why, I dunno. I don't know why the aliens wanted it either. While everything that runs on ones and zeros is destroyed Cube finds out his son is an even better hacker and knew all along what our government was up to, so Dad and Amazon gotta save us. It most definitely does not deserve to be part of the War of the Worlds series, but neither does the Tom Cruise version. I liked the aliens in that one, but other than that, pretty cringe. 

Let's go back... no, keep going. It's October 30th, 1938. We are on a farm in Grovers Mill, New Jersey, where Mr. and Mrs. Farmer are sitting in front of their RCA Victor Model K80, for some easy listening. Perhaps their favorite, Roy Acuff and the Smokey Mountain Boys, before they head off to bed. It's already 8pm and eyelids are beginning to droop. Mr. Farmer had put in a long day harvesting the last of the crops and winterizing the machinery. Mrs. Farmer has a few burn marks on her arms from dipping canning jars in boiling water for the upcoming winter months. They nibble on potato drop cookies along with their Bosco and wait for the program to start. The music wafts through the small, drafty living room and both begin to nod off until they hear a special news bulletin - Grovers Mill is being invaded by Martians! Stay tuned. Mr. Farmer races out the door with his shotgun and heads for the barn. He checks on the animals then heads back to the house where his wife has been glued to her chair, except for the moment she grabbed the axe, which is now clenched in her hand. Mr. Farmer heads over to the new fangled telephone and holds the earpiece out due to every other neighbor already on the party line chattering away. He hears Mrs. Farmer scream, something that makes his blood run cold and pee run down a bit in his long johns. This was a woman who scared away a pack of wolves when they came looking for a raw chicken dinner. 

"They're heading toward us, Pa!"

They sit in front of the RCA Victor Model K80, holding hands, something they hadn't done since 1928. They whisper about heading towards the root cellar when they are interrupted by a devious laugh. A young whipper snapper had made it all up. It's just a story, folks. Go on to bed now. 

That was probably the most exciting thing that ever happened in Grovers Mill and we have Orson Welles to thank. I'm sure he got a lot of feedback about that pre Halloween prank and if he had tried that today, he'd be living on ramen, prison style. 

I kind of miss those days when people were meant to save the world and not an Amazon drone. 

*You can listen to the original broadcast on Spotify.

**A big thanks to H. G. Wells, who wrote the story.