Goldilocks Meets Mikey

 


The other night I watched a documentary about a woman who had been scammed out of thousands of dollars by a player- a man who makes a living preying off women. Usually I don't have much sympathy for these women and neither does the court system. It takes an awful lot to prove you were a victim and not a scorned woman. The courts contend that it is a civil matter, not a crime.

But this one baffles me. You go on vacation, have a damn good time and all you want to do is go lie down in your own bed and watch your big screen tv, but when you get home, someone is sleeping on your beautiful quilt your mother made you, eating  Oreos- and there are three people watching your tv while they are chewing on the steaks you drooled about grilling when you got back. According to the law, there's not a damn thing you can do about these squatters. You cannot put a gun to their head and make them leave. I'm not even sure if you can change the locks if they decide to go out for the day. It's an absolutely stupid stance regarding strangers taking over your home. I truly do not understand it. So this story made me smile. "Mikey" Lewis has done some time in the pokey. After he got out he went straight and earned a living picking up trash in allegedly vacant homes but noticed some people in them- uninvited guests, so he created a business where he will help homeowners get rid of the unwanted pests. He will board up windows as these miscreants sit inside, or, he and his crew will take off doors and remove windows. They will become a fly in the squatters face, a thorn in their backside. I love it. Lewis claims they abide by the law which means they cannot use force, threats or violence to remove these parasites. Y'all gotta have a lot of nerve sitting yourself inside another person's life. The gall is astounding. Worse is that the law doesn't protect the homeowner. It's ridiculous and appalling and truthfully I wouldn't care if Mikey was lying through his ass and was actually tossing these people out the door which is how it should be. You should not have to go to court to rid your home of fleas. 

But whatever you're doing, Mikey, this girl has your back. There should never be a business like this but this country is fucking stupid. We cannot deny it anymore. We are really stupid and fucked up. The slop on the bottom of our shoes has been spreading far and wide. Squatters are sitting in the White House super-gluing Hobby Lobby crap to the walls and tossing their old candy wrappers on the floor, destroying OUR home!  The big, fat cankle squatter has even knocked down walls and torn up the lawn as his fellow douche bags duked it out and blasted loud music. They're a bunch of layabouts who are marking territory with total disregard that the house does not belong to them. 

So, if you come home and Goldilocks is sleeping in your bed, call Mikey. If you know a guy who knows a guy, call them. If you happen to know where to get three wild bears, have at it. 

And hopefully everyone will live happily ever after. Except for the squatters. 

The End.

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