The Befuddled Neighbor

 


Have you ever been in a situation where you act like a complete doofus in front of someone?

The same someone.

On a regular basis.

Like every damn time you run into each other?

There is a young woman who lives in the same building as I do and I swear a curse has been placed upon me so that I am rendered slug like in her presence. 

The very first time we met was right after I moved in. I was bringing a load of groceries up to my apartment. She offered to bring a bag up and I walked inside, to the kitchen and started putting groceries away. I completely forgot about her standing outside my apartment door, waiting patiently. She laughed it off and scurried away. 

The second time was when we met on the stairs as we walked down to check the mail. I went down first and as I turned back I noticed a sort of weird look on her face. We said goodbye and she again scurried away, out the main entrance. That's when I felt a draft behind me. My skirt was stuck partially inside my undies. I had walked a hallway, down twenty steps and to the mailbox with half a pink moon showing. I was humiliated, yet kind of relieved it was her that saw my tushie and not a male tenant. I would have had to move away, right then and there.

Third time- I was walking down slippery Main Street, doing some last minute Christmas shopping. It was a cold, snowy day, so I was bundled up. I hear a shout and look up to see a woman, three stores down, wave and repeat, "Merry Christmas!"  I turn around to see who she might be talking to. As she gets closer I realize it's my neighbor and she was talking to me. Again, I was mortified. I could have even saved the awkward moment, but no words came out. She silently passed my by.

She must truly believe I'm a dotty old Karen who roams about with skirts in my ass and stuffing in my ears. If only it had ended there...

The most recent occurrence was when I was sitting outside, waiting for a delivery. I watched the driver pull into the wrong drive so I ran over to wave him over. My neighbor was standing by her car and waved to me. Again, I fucking turn around to see if she's waving to someone else. Then I muttered something but she had lost interest at that point. In fact, she started moving further away from me.

I don't blame her. Every impression she has of me is based on my stupid reactions. It's as if someone else has taken control of my brain. "Haha, watch this one, old lady." (((Brain fart brain fart brain...)))

I want to tell her, "I'm really not this befuddled mess you see every single time we run into each other. I'm nice and I can say things out of my mouth!"

I feel at times I need to rectify this misunderstanding, but I have a feeling something will go horribly wrong if I tempted fate. I would probably overcompensate and shout in her face, "HELLO NEIGHBOR!" as she stands two feet away. Or, spit in her eye. I might even forget to put on pants before I leave my apartment!

What if I truly am that weirdo neighbor who walks half naked in the hallways and can't figure out when someone is talking to them? 

It's me! I am the befuddled neighbor!

Comments

ex-ferrer said…
You should probably have her over for coffee and Danish on some day when you're feeling reasonably normal and have a nice chat. It seems like you were in your own world all those times and caught off guard. Understandable. A planned sitdown might be a lot more comfortable.
October 2, 2026 at 8:37 AM
Maggie said…
I should. She's a nice person.
October 2, 2026 at 9:29 AM
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