The Bulge

 


The image of Trump with a bulge in his pants has been going around social media. We know it's not little Donnie, because little Donnie is more like Toad. 🍄

I didn't leave any snarky comments because well, even the most vile wretched human on the face of the earth should have some privacy. Then I saw another picture* of Trump from the back, where he has some lumps on his calves. Okay, definitely something going on.


But, hear me out. What if he's planning another fake assassination? The first one worked swimmingly. He got the sympathy. He got dumb people believing he was a martyr. His ratings were plummeting. The world hates him. His bff left him. He needs a win.

So, his parade is coming up. Let's say some madman in a tank aims his guns towards the orange man and fires! Kaboom! A direct hit! Trump's legs are shattered, bloody sticks, but he still gives the salute as he's rushed away.

Miraculously, two days later he walks out of the hospital, his legs covered in casts. He waves to his minions who have covered their legs in casts as a symbolic gesture to their brave god. Due to the influx of sympathy his big beautiful bill is passed. L.A. is wiped out. Elon is welcomed back. And Gavin Newsom is in prison. 

If you want to go out by being a hero, pop those bags. Stop the madness.

*The second image could be AI generated since I cannot find it anywhere else. 

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