Men Aren't Happy

 

My experience going to therapy for depression was not helpful. In fact, I have negative thoughts regarding the whole world of head shrinks. If you have found someone who can help you sort through chaos and the puzzle of life, don't stop. You are truly fortunate to find that someone who can help you. With my first therapist, I poured my life out to her only to see out of the corner of my eye her rolling her eyes. I was devastated, but I didn't switch until she left for maternity leave. The next therapist was into mindfulness and wanted me to close my eyes and feel in the moment. No and no. Then I saw a few online nurse/therapist/in training type where I was drug tested every time I walked in.* Last but not least was group therapy. The psychologist was a very kind man who liked to weigh in on his own problems. One man in the group dressed like Rocky Balboa and talked like he was from the Bronx although he grew up in Appleton, Wisconsin and still lived with Mom. One woman still wanted to harm her former boss for firing her. She was in therapy because she continued to stalk him. I sort of enjoyed group therapy. It made me feel better about myself and that there were others who were truly worse off than myself. I didn't want to be in the same room with them, though. The problem was- this group  get together didn't help one person. We came in sad and desperate for relief from ourselves and left feeling lost and confused. I became friends with one woman who no one else in the group liked. She was loud and boisterous and had no filter. The first time I went to her home we actually had fun. We drank peach schnapps and played gin rummy. She had a creative mind and told interesting stories. Then the second time we met, again at her house, her husband was there. While we sat at the dinner table eating spaghetti he talked but he never looked at anyone. He just talked. My friend occasionally looked at him but moved around doing other things while I sat with him wondering what the hell was going on. After dinner my friend went into the kitchen as her husband and I sat in front of the television. I came to visit her, not sit with her husband, so I went into the kitchen to watch her as she stood at the counter cutting up coupons. She was my ride home so I was stuck standing there. I could see she was becoming angry as she snipped and slapped down coupons. I could hear her husband still talking in the living room. Finally she stopped and we got in the car and she drove me home. She was angry with me and I can only assume it was because I didn't entertain her husband. He creeped me out and I wasn't there to sit with him. I blocked her number and never saw her again. So that was my experience with therapy and the people who use it. 

I was reminded of my experience as I read this article in The Guardian about men who seek counseling. The male author and psychologist writes how very lonely and lost men are feeling these days. Their role as breadwinner and protector is no longer the definition of manhood so they have no idea who they are supposed to be. They are not satisfied with the family traditional trappings of marriage and children. They want their cake and all the frosting, too.

Well, please do sit down or lie back because I believe I've had enough therapy to give you some advice. Your problem is thinking you must still be the gate keeper, provider, husband, father and stoic entity who holds in all emotion. You feel the need to bend to the wishes of society who claim you can open up and cry but when you do people will look at you and feel uncomfortable. "Suck it up, man! Be like Reacher, Odysseus, Eastwood, Chan, McGregor, Stallone, Trump and Master of the Universe!" Movies, magazines and society tell us who we should be. Just look at what films grossed huge amounts of money and which lady film was an embarrassment. Just look at who we voted for to be our leader. 

Yeah, so I agree with the writer/psychologist that men are shaped from birth, even in this day, to be strong and forceful and to hide their emotions because they look weak, like a female, and gahd forbid you are compared to a woman. 

The writer/ psychologist had no answers to help men feel better about who they are, except to address their grief. "Hello, grief. You all alone tonight?" I think they feel they no longer have a purpose in life. Personally, I have always believed there is no purpose to life. A therapist once asked me what I thought my purpose in life was and she seemed upset when I said there isn't one. We are not here for any reason other than a scientific phenomenon occurred and we as thinking cells mingle about on this beautiful planet, so I would suggest y'all just look around you at this amazing planet and just breathe in the air and take each day trying to be a good person who doesn't hurt others and can stop to smell the flowers, cause that's all there is to this. Stop creating your own cage and stop listening to what others think (including me) and live your very short and un-purposeful life in peace. 

That will be $250, please. I take Zelle.

* I still had to drive to this place to sit in a room and talk to someone on a screen.