Lying With Dogs

 

When my coworker Doris, decided to say yes to marrying her long time boyfriend she had set some ground rules before the nuptials, and even though Doris was a psychopath she was smart enough to let her future husband know where they stood. One- no dogs. This was good because I reiterate, Doris was nuts. She also refused to have a canoe as their bed. Again, smart. But sometimes y'all don't listen and think you can change a person's mind. Sometimes you can. Sometimes you wear them down so much it's not worth the fight. 

I bring this up because I saw another problem for an advice columnist, this one about a dog. The female was adamant about NOT getting an animal. She claimed they were just too busy and even though she liked dogs she was not ready to get one. Her partner dismissed her objections and bought one anyway. As much as she has grown fond of the pup she feels resentment and rightfully so. She says she must be on her partner constantly to walk and feed the dog he wanted. The AC response was to re-home the dog.

My response is to leave. Let man and dog live happily ever after. It is so disrespectful to completely ignore the other person's wishes, especially when they made it abundantly clear where they stand. In this case it was an animal. You can re-home an animal and not be considered an asshole (meh) you can't get rid of children. One is ready, the other is not. One skips birth control- one forgoes the condom. Nine months later, a baby resentment is born, which festers into distrust and inner rage. 

My ex did something that still triggers me when I think about it. He came home one evening and told me he bought a business, one that even came with a house. I wanted to strangle him but I was four months pregnant. I knew this business had been a dream of his for a very long time. I also knew he would fail because he was not a man who could run a business of any kind. He was a master at his craft but not in any way, shape or form able to maintain a business. I bit my tongue and we moved. He opened his shop and two years later was arrested by the feds for running a chop shop. They were originally suspicious because he had rented the back space to a cretin who was apparently well known to the law. But, still, it was his sloppy paperwork that did him in. He later had the gall to blame me for not helping him in the office. I wish I could say that was the end of our marriage, but we had a baby so I stayed. He was fortunate he didn't serve prison time. A few days before he was set to go to trial, we were driving somewhere when he pulled over and he suggested we just take off. I just looked at him and stared in disbelief. He then said now he knew who he had married. 

I think my daughter still blames me for eventually leaving her dad, and she will never know exactly what he did to me mentally and physically. I won't do that to her. Some people bring home dogs. Some buy a business that ruins them.

Marriage is compromising, with usually one doing most of the giving in. Even though everyone applauds my sister's lasting marriage to the one and only boy she ever dated, he gives in, to the point he now takes medication for his anxiety. I'm sure there are partnerships that work very well because respect is the absolute key. You don't respect your partner when you bring home a dog. And buying a business without even discussing it beforehand!? Yeah, that's brutal and painful and sad. 

I am now always upfront with a man about what I want and what will be a deal breaker. I have never remarried and do not regret that decision. So beware- if a guy is mooning over a dog before the I do's, nip that in the bud right then and there or move on.