Topix, The Holy Grail of Holes

 

Angelica?

*I wrote this back in August of last year. It's been sitting on the back burner, but since the Gunslinger brought it up, this is my version. 

Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was toxic yet you just couldn't leave it alone? That's what Topix was to me. Don't know Topix? You're so fortunate. How do I describe it? It's like when Alice took a swig of 'Drink me' potion and fell into a rabbit hole. 

I even remember how I found Topix. I was reading an article by Mary Schmich, a Chicago Tribune columnist. I don't remember what she had written about but at the bottom of the page was a place to click on to leave a comment. I clicked on it and entered a world where I could make a zillion comments on a bazillion topics. I think the one I fell into was a local Chicago section. 

Wow! I surely do like to leave my opinions! This was golden, my Shangri La! The age of computers was a blessing to me, a shy introvert whose voice was muffled by the extroverts in real life, so now I had a way to say what was on my mind, whether people liked it or not. Usually they didn't. I found the popular table in virtual reality land. Well, they thought they were the popular group. They even had a name. A certain someone probably remembers what they called themselves, but I don't. I'll call them 'The Deplorables.' It suits them. I guess if you weren't a member you were supposed to stay out of that Topic thread, although, everyone had access. It was just some sort of code you respected. I stayed out because there were tons of other topics going on where I could argue, discuss, joke and jest. The majority of Topix members were not movers and shakers in the real world. They came down the rabbit hole because they were probably lonely, alone, unemployed, retired, stalkers, creeps, losers, incels, homely... You get the picture. Life above, IRL was lacking something, so they entered Topix and became who they wanted others to think they were. The leader of The Deplorables was supposedly a psychologist by day, a science investigator by night. We were her test subjects. She was allegedly this Asian beauty who had a fulfilling life above yet oddly seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time with the ha! The Regulars! That's what they called themselves. 

Yeah, more like the sad sacks who I should have ignored, but they were so full of themselves, they thought their clique was something special. So, I became a pain in their ass. I wasn't the first. 👋👋👋👋(((waving to you know who))) I followed the main instigator like a kid who follows their older brother and wants to be like them. I was a nuisance all around. Honestly, these people were assholes. They were cruel, stupid, silly, meaningless blobs but I kept going back until I unconsciously decided to self destruct. 

I went into the holy grail of threads, the one only the Regulars were meant to go. Naturally they wrote about the outsiders in this private thread, especially, let's call him the 'gunslinger.' They hated him because he taunted and teased and played with them. Oooh, they hated the gunslinger most of all. I kept reading their goofy thoughts and was beyond baffled why they bowed to the doctor even though it was clear she was no doctor. She probably wasn't even a she. I pictured her as a 400 pound agoraphobic who sat in front of the computer day and night, clad in a greasy t shirt and sweat pants. This was her life, the made up Asian beauty who sent her drones out to do her bidding.

After reading far too much of this high school crap for ugly adults long enough I mentioned in a thread what I thought about their weird club and their alliance to the basement dweller. It went as expected. They ganged up on me, even the unRegular wannabes who wished so hard to be a part of the group but only circled like Walmart shoppers trying to get a good spot in the parking lot, they even got in on the action. I was vilified for breaking their fantasy land, where they were all beautiful and loved. I was the bitch. It was somewhat hilarious when one person changed her avatar into other pretend people to harangue and harass me. But even after awhile the stench was too much. I was only one against the angry crowd. I don't remember where the gunslinger was during this time. He may have intentionally stayed out of it. I've never asked him. I think for him it was like playing with mice. Tap, tap, bite, toss. 

I'm not sure what my reasoning was for staying so long. I'm not a joiner. My fault is that I believe my opinion matters or it will bring about some enlightenment to both sides. Mostly, I just wanted to be heard, even by repulsive little shits. 

That barrage of hate finally cut my Topix cord and I left, never looking back.

Eventually, Topix shut down. I remember before I left, people were openly selling drugs and other weird things you find on the dark web. I'm glad I got out. 

It's been sixteen years since I went down that hole. I still kind of wonder what happened to the Asian beauty? Where can you virtually go and cosplay as a doctor these days? Online dating? Catfishing? Yeah, I can see that. Trolling on X? 

I'm sure she's still out there. Probably with a breathing tube up her nose, still wearing a grimy t shirt and soiled sweat pants. 

Ah, those were the days.