The Other Resurrection?

 


Easter Sunday. The pineapple cubes are skewered into the ham. Sweet potatoes and cornbread are baking in the oven. Little Jimmy is teasing the cat with his bolo bat as the adults whisk their whiskey and soda with their fingers. Suddenly, everyone's phone starts screeching as the emergency broadcast system blares out this alert... "This is not a test. JD Vance is now the acting president until further notice. Do not be alarmed. Everything is fine. There is nothing to worry about. Stay tuned for updates, but it's all good."

Grandma Bernice immediately starts wailing while Grandpa Frank wakes from his snooze and tells her to zip it. Uncle Buck yells as Father Flanagan confiscates the remote to switch to the national news. The vigil begins. The ham is forgotten and the charred remains are remembered days later. The false alarm of a car horn going off politically divides the household as Aunt Betty and cousin Gerty prematurely start dancing. Brother Robert E. Lee shoots daggers at his sister as she apologizes and sits down to read her phone messages. The children are silenced with bribes of coconut lamb shaped cake and hot cross buns. 

The waiting continues. The guests unconsciously move to chosen sides as the cat licks the butter off cold biscuits and gelatinous gravy forgotten on the dining room table. Is he or isn't he? Will he or won't he? Prayers are coming fast and furious from both corners of the living room for different reasons. Odds are whispered as the man who used to be married to Lorraine and is now married to Alice who was once married to Bill sneaks into the guest bathroom to place a bet. Grandma Agnes fondles her rosary as the host comes downstairs wearing his Maga shirt, cap, shoes, watch and glow in the dark hoodie with Trump riding a stallion into war. Everyone jumps as the landline phone rings only to hear, "Sorry, you have the wrong number." 

Pearl faints as someone outside lowers the flag. Smelling salts and apologies are given for the false alarm. Someone starts to sing the National Anthem as baked potatoes burst open in the oven. 

Will he or won't he? All eyes are on the telly as a candle in the shape of Jesus ascending to heaven melts into a indistinguishable blob. 

*So, there was an emergency alert, but not one I had hoped for. His hospital meds kicked in and this bile spilled out. 



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