The Choice

 

How do you wake up one morning and decide you're going to leave your family and start anew? This woman told her husband she was going to go do some Christmas shopping and never returned home. She was recently found alive and has no interest in explaining to her children why she abandoned them. There is speculation she left because of an abusive marriage which truly makes it all the more reprehensible to leave her children in that situation. There will be no charges against the woman whose location will remain confidential. A cousin spoke to the media saying she was glad she's alive and seems to be forgiving of her relative's complete disregard for anyone else. I don't know how you do that to a child.

 There was a family I babysat for a few times when I was in my teens. The mother was extremely obese and wore a mumu as she explained the children's schedule to me. I remember later that evening  when the couple had gone out, looking inside their freezer for a snack, where I found a dozen Sarah Lee cheesecakes. They had two boys who were fun and playful as we watched TV and ate popcorn. The husband was a nerdy, tech guy who was quiet and doted on his wife. I hadn't seen the family for quite some time because I was busy with school and hanging out with friends. I had heard the cheesecake lady had lost a lot of weight and this was soon confirmed when there was a local fashion show that she was in. She looked absolutely stunning. She was model thin and had dyed her hair a bright red which looked fantastic next to her porcelain skin. As she walked down the runway I sensed a great deal of animosity towards her. Other models who were all local moms and friends got hoots and whistles as they strutted down the makeshift runway, but as Mrs. Cheesecake came out the silence from her neighbors was deafening. I had no idea what was going on but I really thought it was mean so I clapped long and hard as she smiled and moved with the music. Were these women that jealous because she went from a dowdy, obese housefrau to a gorgeous hottie? Little did I know until much later, after Mrs. Cheesecake abandoned her children that she had been having an affair with a man who lived in the 'hood and was also married with children. They both took off, leaving their spouses and children to try to comprehend the loss and betrayal. Mr. Cheesecake soon moved away and I never heard anything more about any of them. Closer to home and probably one of the reasons I married my former husband was because I thought I could heal his pain of being abandoned by both parents when he was a child. There were five children who were dropped off one day at their grandparents door, left by their mother who had other plans and didn't want to be shackled with five kids. His father remarried (his wife's brother's wife) and started a new family while these five children, two grandparents and two uncles all lived in a shack no bigger than a two car garage. Throughout the years I witnessed how my husband tried to form a relationship with his parents who had moved on. The children were just reminders of a bad marriage and neither wanted to accept their responsibility for traumatizing these children who all grew up to be troubled adults. My former husband is the only surviving sibling. His brothers and sisters lived hard and died by the residual stain created by their belief they belonged to no one and were not worthy of a better existence. 

We make a lot of stupid choices when we are young. We live and hopefully learn from them, but there are some choices in life like bringing babies into this world that you don't decide to leave behind. The woman who has been found after 24 years might be forgiven by some and is it really my business to judge her? I think of her children who she left days before Christmas wondering where their mom went and I feel their anguish. How? How could you wake up that morning and decide to never come back? I haven't seen or spoken to my ex in many years. I know he has not found solace and he never received the love he so wanted from his parents. One step. One decision. The ripple effect is immense.