Psspsspssttt...

 

Psspsspssttt...

Who ya kidding here? This is by far the silliest attempt to try and create a job that cannot possibly ever work. You can get away with this training bit with a dog. Dogs want to be loved. They're the needy, low esteemed, touchy feely type. They'll do anything for you as long as you tell them what a good doggie they are. "Yes, you are!" Oh, how they crave for that belly rub. I don't see any special schoolin' in how to train a dog. In fact, the dog gets a certificate, not you. Feed it. Love it. Praise it. Putty in your hands. 

I would truly like to know who is taking these classes to train a cat. Maybe I can help you out before you begin. First- pull out that money you have hidden in your sock drawer. Stand by a window. Open yon window. Toss out that bundle of greens. Then look for another investment to occupy your time. (Go pick up your tossed money)

Read this carefully. You 👏 cannot 👏train 👏 a 👏 cat.

Now you might at this time respond with- "Hey, I seen them cats on the television shows! They sit real good!" 

I have to admit, the scene in TBBTheory, where Sheldon has adopted a clowder who all chill in his room, is impressive. The trick is- it's not filmed before a studio audience. The scene is filmed beforehand, in a quiet setting so as not to stress the moggies. They most likely have just been fed and are now ready to perform their ablutions before a sleep. If anything, it's the human who is being trained to make them as comfortable as possible. 

Having a cat behaviorist degree is as pointless as a bachelor of arts degree. Useless. And yet, people have been making up purrpssspsstless jobs since time immemorial. 

I was once a store greeter. Yes. Once. One day, and that was all I could stand. And stand you do. Say, "Hello," check an incoming package, tag an umbrella and die of boredom. I don't know if the greeter job still exists. I rarely go to brick and mortar establishments anymore. The greeters were usually seniors who were bent at the waist and could only greet their shoes. But, they didn't need a degree and they were getting paid. It's still useless.

As is the bathroom attendant. My only experience in witnessing this phenomenon was when I was at a fancy restaurant and needed to "powder my nose." The attendant sat on a velvet pink couch and ignored my needs. There was a crystal tip bowl for rewarding her for sitting. I did not. 

Rich people are the biggest users of the useless.

Doormen. Life coach. Dog whisperer. Exorcist. Shaman. Ghost hunter. Just made up careers to fill the void. Humans can be easily trained. 

Cats. Not so much. If you think it was a human who finally got kitty to come inside and sleep on a warm, cozy lap for sixteen hours, 10,000 years ago, think again. Cats saw an opportunity. "I shall have that obsequious two legged animal hunt for my food. Yes, bring it to me in a twinkly glass dish I can knock off the table, shortly. Scoop out my poop and deliver my catnip at once!" 

I love cats. I respect them. There is a symbiosis - a win- win for both species. We both know the deal. So, save your money, or, use it for a degree that really matters, like philosophy.