Laurent Freixe is Shredded Wheat


So, what's all the Fussells about? Well, this is why I go to The Daily Mail, the Reich wing British rag. They're the only ones who give us the Pow-Wow. In this case, the firing of Laurent Freixe, CEO of Nestle. Freixe was fired one year to the day he became the head Willy Wonka, after having worked nearly forty years for the company, so he should have known the rules, right? Right. 

No mingling with co-workers, no Tootie Frooties, trysts, flirting or Friskies. Freixe was fired for ignoring that edict. Several times, in fact he was rumored to be a Drifter. All the reputable news sources carry the fact that he was fired, but they leave out details, such as he played footsie with one Honey Nut back in 2017. She probably performed some Black Magic to make him like her Drumsticks enough to marry her. Then he had another affair starting in 2022, probably After Eights o'clock, where the recent Ideal woman got a Boost with a promotion. Unfortunately, the British rag doesn't say whether Freixe was still married to Christina or, was her name, Maggi?, whilst he got his Cheerios on with the latest Trix. It seems this was the final Matrix for the company, which has been going into the dumpster for awhile now. Dang, they sell a lot of familiar products. KitKat, Smarties, Haagen Daz, diGiorno pizza, baby food, pet food... Maybe they have bitten off more Crunch than they can chew. (((Snickers))) You can't have that many products and be Fruitful. It's like having ten kids. You're gonna lose one or two because it's just one too many Jellytots. I've been to IKEA just once in my life and it will be my last because I was bombarded with stuff. Too many Clusters of stuff. I don't trust restaurants that carry sixty-one Temptations to choose from. It's ridiculous! But, back to Laurent. Apparently, he's been calling Dibs on the in Toll House Lollies for a long time. The higher up Snow Flakes I'm sure were aware of his indiscretions or should I say, a blatant middle Butterfinger to his bosses and the code of conduct. Why would anyone go against this perfectly reasonable company rule? Is it the excitement, the thrill that they might be caught, or are they just too damn lazy to go out and meet someone on Matchmakers?  So, Freixe is out of a job- so no Hot Pockets or 100 Grand Bar for him. He doesn't get a severance package or Winalot. I wonder what his Tombstone will read? Here lies Laurent Freixe, a wandering Fizzfindle, who was not so Smarties and broke his Abuelita's heart and who may or may not be in Heaven. 

*I deserve a Kit Kat for this. Credit to Wikipedia for the massive list of Nestle products, some of which they no longer own, but I included them anyway. 

**Image from Pixabay

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