The Meeting


Putin: Your zadnitsa eez veddy varm, Donowd. My ballz are, how you zay, on fire."

Trump: "Where's the golf course, Vlad? I need a coke."

Putin: "Vee shall veezit Sarah. I zee her dacha from my bunker. By zee vay, Donowd, zee Vhite Houze eez looking veddy speefy, but do not go crazy wid eet."

Trump: "Listen, Vlad, you gotta give me something here. I got problems over that nasty pedo, Epstein. They won't shut up about him. You take a little chunk of Ukraine. I give you Alaska, Puerto Rico and California. You help me get Greenland and a Noble Prize. I'll throw in Looney Loomer and Pete Hegseth. He likes your vodka. He'll do anything for a bottle of squeezed potatoes."

Putin: "I don't vant your zloppy zeconds. I vant Kviv and Texas vere I ride zee horses like manly man. No more games, Donowd. Deez endz now."

Trump: "Aach, my catheter fell out. Get off my moose, Vlad. You are now under arrest and you will enjoy a nice stay at our lovely new resort in the swamp. Didn't see that coming, did you, you low IQ dum dum. I give Zelensky, Russia, Bibi gets a land of rubble. I get my Noble Prize and no one will remember Jeffrey or Barack. I become the hero and will be president for twenty more years. Take him away! Where's my drink?"

Graham: "But ah look nothin' like him, sah. I don't like the cold weathah, neithah. Let me just rub your cankles, sah and change your cathetah..."

Trump: "This is for the best, Lindsey. It will only be for awhile. Prove you love me."

Graham: "Oh, I surely do, sah. I would die for you."

Trump: "Good boy. Good boy."

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