The Eulogy For A Bawbag

 

I won't say the wrong person died today, because Hulk Hogan was a disgusting piece of garbage. I'm not sure who will mourn for him besides his creepy family, fourteen year old boys and maybe a faux Christian boomer. I love it when I see an obituary that doesn't try to cover shit with honey after a relative or coworker dies. Be honest. If the person was a horrible sucker up of space, dying does not absolve them of their deeds. 

Why shouldn't people speak I'll of the dead!? Is that some ancient myth seeped in religious voodoo? Oooh, be careful, they'll come back to haunt you. Hulk Hogan gets no pass.

When the orange man dies, sooner rather than later, I hope. (Come on, cankles!) I think everyone should grab a virtual pen and write his obituary. 

Donald Trump died today on the fourth green of Turnberry in Scotland whilst swinging a club, shitting in his pants as he rolled into the horrified crowd of Scots who came to boo the American shite.

"Gae away ye fat orange bawbag bastart!"

"Dinnae mince our kintra wi yer foosty!"

"Trumpty numpty!"

 To say he was the worst human being on the planet is an understatement. Even worse than that German guy? Yes, as ugly a soul as that German guy was, he had some human qualities. He liked animals. He was a vegetarian. He painted and his partner stayed with him willingly. Trump has to pay his concubine to be seen with him. I doubt he has ever bent down to pet a dog. He leaves us all with the biggest disaster to ever touch the American people. I myself will be crying, crying massive tears of incredible joy that he is dead. 

I look forward to that day. In the meantime, it's good to see one less asshole roaming the earth in a steroid poisoned body which didn't come close to his rotted, wormholed brain.

Good riddance, asshole. May you be joined shortly by a long list of fellow turds.