It's Touron Season!

 


Hurray, it's officially touron season! Our first tourist of the season is this moron who was gored by a bison in Yellowstone National Park after disregarding rules about getting too close to the bison. 

It never ceases to amaze me when I see people blatantly ignore rules and all common sense by thinking they are animal whisperers. Animals do not think like humans. We constantly insert our human emotions onto an animal and expect them to think like us. Then people are shocked when an animal does what an animal does. 

It's aggravating to watch a woman trying to pet a 2,000 pound wild beast. There is another video of a inebriated male taunting several bison while tourists watch in horror. 

If the orange man can be king, I decree I am the queen, but in a far off land, away from the wicked imposter.


As queen anyone who disregards the rules in national parks will pay a very hefty price. Their lives. But, since I'm a fair queen, I'll give them a chance to walk away, mostly unscathed. We can even have paid per viewing and have online betting.

First up will be Ms. Pennymaker who claims she can talk to the animals and indeed tried to converse with a 700 pound cow. Pennymaker and lady bison will have tea together in a RV trailer. I realize this may cause undo stress for the bison but I'm guessing her time inside will be short.

Next is Mr. Bud Lighthead, who must run an obstacle course of angry bulls while slapping each bull before moving on. 

Oh, and Mr. and Mrs. Babcock who will receive one cardboard boat to cross the Norris geyser basin.


Good luck, contestants. You receive no prizes if you manage to survive. 

Okay, it's a ridiculous and mean scenario, but I'm so disgusted with these empty headed buffoons. The Yellowstone National Park has only been open for two weeks. Two weeks and already the numnuts are making America great again for prime viewing. We certainly are entertaining to the rest of the world. 

Can we try not to be the bison laughing stock of the planet?


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