"...a very strong letter..."

 


"Whoo boy, you are scary! You really told Trump off. Wow. Thanks, Chuck. I feel so much better knowing you really put your foot down. Btw, what were those eight questions?"

1) Do you watch, 'The Sopranos'? Asking for a friend. He thinks you might be running the country based on the character, Tony Soprano.

2) Does Melania shop for you? That blue suit was tre magnifique.

3) Is Barron a robot?

4) Can you get me tickets to Othello, starring Jake Gyllenhaal? Iris loves him, but they're really expensive. 

5) What does Elon smell like? I'm guessing Oud Bleu.

6) Look, can you throw me a bone, here? We gotta please the tax payers. Give them a holiday or a couple of coupons to Target. 

7) Who's your eye doctor? My eye is looking a little wonky.

8) Do you have Caroline's phone number? She's hot. She likes old, flaccid white men. 

Let's be clear, I'm just a mouthpiece ready to retire. I don't give a shit about this country. We're moving to Israel, so let's just make a little deal, here. I give you my soul and you give me something I can appease the snowflakes with. I'll be looking forward to your reply. Dana's on my ass.

Sincerely,

Chuck Schumer 

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