The Kit Kat Kaper

 

Our one week vacation in the North Woods of Wisconsin will always be a special memory for me. I loved going out on the rowboat in the early mornings with my grandpa and sister. We would drop anchor in the middle of the clear lake and then watch young rascals jump into the water from a high cliff. Best of all was being able to get my daily fix of a Kit Kat bar, and a bar is where I had to go. Amongst the dozen or so cabins along the lake sat the only place to get a beer, bait, juke box music and candy. I loved that bar. It took forever for my eyes to adjust to the dark inner sanctum where smoke and stale beer still mingled in the morning. The elders were still in bed, sleeping the previous shenanigans off. The mornings were my time. I would scrounge up change from whatever the adults had dropped or pulled out of their pockets. I felt no guilt by using the money for my addiction. One Kit Kat a day for seven beautiful days. 

I no longer eat Kit Kats. Even when I was still ingesting the sweet taste of poisonous sugar I had moved on to peanut butter cups. But, the theft of over 12 tons of Kit Kat candy bars caught my eye. And these are not your ordinary bars. These bars were made in the shape of Formula I race cars. The latest update from the company is they want you to track your candy so they can get a better idea regarding what happened. They don't expect to ever see the haul again but are very interested in where it's going. 

I'm curious about the birth of a candy heist. Who exactly thinks up these things? I'm guessing kids or bears. These capers usually have an inside man. Times are tough. People don't use real coin too often anymore. You can't rob a Brink's truck because they're scarce.

Besides, they have guards with guns ready to shoot you. This theft began in Italy so it would have been the Bada Bing truck. But, that was in the past when the Sopranos ruled the countryside and people paid for things with a Lira, so ya gotta be creative these days. What can you steal without getting a load of metal in your ass? You could try the Louvre again. They seem pretty lax about security. What sells? What's going to give you the most binga banga for your Euro? Food. Food will always be a necessity. I have a feeling they'll be showing up on eBay right quick for $100 or whatever the currency is. Although that's seems rather foolish and doesn't look like good planning. These limited edition stolen bars don't blend in like a regular candy bar would. It's like trying to sell a Stradivari violin as a Funshpiel.

My guess besides kids or bears involved in a heist is a true aficionado of the chocolate delicacy. This I understand. Some collector between Turin and Warsaw has a basement filled with red packaged delights behind encased glass with the soft glow of LED lighting. The collector sneaks downstairs early in the morning and starts the day with one lovely sweet which should last a lifetime. I hope it's worth the future onset of diabetes and cavities. Buon appetito!