Presto, Presto, Do Your Very Besto

 

I love old movies so I ask Google to find me a few. Apparently the search engine "thinks" the 1990's is going way back as the screen displays, 'Pretty Woman' and 'Back to the Future.' I'm actually requesting gems from the the 40's and 50's, but in particular I wanted to write about this movie, 'Houseboat.' It's described as a romantic comedy starring Cary Grant and Sophia Loren. It is anything but. Neither romantic or a comedy. I wrote about this movie years ago and again now because of the same basic complaint. The children. They are described by one critic as, "horrors," modern, self expressive American brats. One of the film critics (Wikipedia) is almost close to conveying what I see regarding the little horrors and other issues in the movie which clearly prove how very unfunny this movie is. Loren is the objectified woman who is constantly ogled, touched and humiliated by Grant's creepy ass friends. Grant even chimes in at times to insult her. There's a lot of slapping in this "comedy." Grant is the put upon father who knows nothing about his children who were raised by their mother who has recently died. Now Grant aka Tom Winters, must now be the reluctant caregiver. The grandparents nearly have to threaten Grant to take his children. The biggest complaint by critics is not the ugly behavior by the adults, but the of the child actors. What obnoxious little cretins, right? To me, the children are the only thing that comes across as real, which is interesting since this is supposed to be a comedy. The three young children are absolutely fantastic. They play the part of mourning, abandoned, traumatized waifs because that's exactly what they are. They are handed off to a man who doesn't want them. Their mother just died. Their grandparents are grieving the loss of their daughter. We are expected to find humor in all of this?

Grant reluctantly takes the children but his first mission is to find a nanny to care for them. Loren is a little old to play the nanny part as is Grant portraying the role of an ancient father. He was 53 at the time. (IRL Grant became a first time doting father at the age of 62) Loren, as Cinzia, has a nefarious past but Grant, as asshole, needs to hand off his three pests so he can get on with his life. 

The oldest child is openly angry and resentful. Critics absolutely hate this boy. Yeah, he does spoil a good comedy.  When the children are not in the picture we have Loren who walks around half naked while men leer and Grant just seems disgusted with everyone. 

Naturally, the adults fall for each other. Well why not- two fabulous looking people and one of them needs a maid and mother. Having sex is a win win. Allegedly Grant and Loren were having an affair off screen which could be the reason for Grant's discomfort. Loren refused to divorce her husband, Carlo Ponti. Grant was married to Betsy Drake who wrote the original screenplay which was heavily edited. Can you imagine being on set while your husband falls for another woman? 

There is nothing remotely funny about this movie. I don't know if the director, Melville Shavelson,  (what a name!) was aware of the movie he was actually making. He's also responsible for another "comedy," 'Yours, Mine and Ours," with Henry Fonda as a former military man who runs his household like an army. Again a widower with a bunch of children who meets a widow, Lucille Ball, who has a bunch of children and they merge. It's definitely not as depressing as Houseboat, although the children don't warm up to the blending of families. There is a truly terrific scene with Ball who drinks too much when meeting Fonda's children for the first time. But again, these two terrific actors are far too old to be playing parents with a human menagerie. Fonda comes off as a hard ass which he apparently was in real life. 

I understand the confusion regarding Houseboat. You walk in expecting to find a few laughs and some warm fuzzies with the romance. The kids ruin it by depicting real emotions, real trauma. Bummer. I can't watch the movie anymore because it just makes me sad. I want to hug the character children and especially the real actors who to this day are blamed for being modern day American shits. Of course this was the 50's when children could be spanked with a belt and woman could be groped and be expected to keep a clean house as well. Lol. So funny. Haha.

Like the movie, 'Houseboat,' there are so many other movies that I can no longer watch from that era other than to view it as a sociological experience. How sad, but fortunately, things have progressed regarding the massive amount of misogyny and the terrible treatment of children in film (Allegedly, Natalie Wood's mother would rip up butterflies before her to get her to cry in a scene) All the former child actors in this film relay the dark side of children working in the film industry. The change is not nearly fast enough but seems to be going in the right direction. Former child actors still suffer (case in point- Zachary Ty Bryan) who are tossed aside when they become adults.

So, the making of this "romantic comedy"- they didn't do their very besto.

*Title from the song Loren sings in the film.