"Double, Double, Toil and Trouble..."

 

Have you seen the movie, 'The Out of Towners,' starring Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis? The couple from Ohio is going to New York so George (Lemmon) can interview for a job. Murphy's law, "anything that can go wrong will go wrong," is the premise. It's a good movie. Even the remake with Goldie Hawn doesn't stink so much because the writing is terrific. But, watch the original. Lemmon and Dennis were pros. 

Anyway, I mention this film because it reminds me of my weekend getaway with a friend to Chicago. I've been to the Windy City many times in my life, having lived as 'they' say, in a suburb of Chicago (which sets me off, but that's another story) I would take the train and go to the art museum or just walk around. I've had some interesting moments in the city, but always got home in one piece.

I was looking forward to our weekend because we were going to go see the interactive play 'Drunken Shakespeare,' where the actors perform Macbeth as one of the actor's, chosen before the fun begins, takes a shot of alcohol throughout the play, I think with a limit of five shots. It sounded fun. I'm all for fun. I'm an introvert however so I was already worrying about being included in their antics. 

The room is very small. People sit on benches on both sides of the room. There are two thrones at the head of the room where two audience members who pay the highest price, sit and engage with all during the performance. They tried their darndest but eventually they got so drunk they were nearly sliding off their thrones. At the other end, is the bar, the most important feature, I soon came to realize.

The actors came out and we clapped as one actor, a tiny woman, took her first shot. Then something which sort of had Shakespearean words and very naughty words, and a puppet ensued. It was a jumble of nonsense. Sometimes, funny, but mostly crass, as one actor continued to harass a woman who was on a first date. The actor used his puppet to simulate sex acts as the audience awkwardly chuckled. 

I realized the play wasn't the main event. Getting the audience to buy drinks was the goal. The actor who continued to drink (allegedly) shots didn't seem to get very drunk. She wasn't funny, nor were the other actors who took a hatchet to Macbeth. 

Perhaps if I had gotten wasted I too would have found the humor. I just wanted to leave. I think the actors picked up on my feeling of being extremely uncomfortable and left me alone. I could tell my friend wasn't exactly enjoying the display either.

The actors are replaced often so maybe we just got the crappy group. There is a disclaimer on the website noting they don't advocate people getting too inebriated, but I find that hard to believe. Shakespeare would have some choice words to describe the whole... whatever it is. 

The show finally ended and I ran out, expecting our Uber to be waiting. No Uber. Strangely, the street became deserted with just me and my friend waiting for our ride. My friend looked at me and said, "There are no Uber drivers coming. They have no idea when or if they can get a driver."

So, we started walking, in the dark, in the night, in the city...

My friend was going into panic mode, imagining the worst as she clutched her phone, her purse and tried to call for a taxi. 

Fortunately, I saw one and hailed it down. We breathed a sigh of relief, which lasted for about two minutes. The older driver whose eyes barely managed to reach above the dashboard spoke in halted English, asking where we wanted to go. He had no GPS system in his cab. As he drove the deserted streets, he managed to find the only human, who he aimed for, missing him by inches. That poor guy. I won't forget the look on his face as he was nearly mowed down.

Ok, now we were both hyperventilating. I really wanted to get out but didn't want to leave my friend for a fate unknown. We pulled up to an intersection where the signs were confusing with arrows pointing every which way. We were doomed. My friend was on her phone trying to map our location to no avail. As the light turned green and the driver started turning into what seemed the wrong way, I'm sure I let out a yelp and grabbed the door handle. The driver managed to get on the right side and we headed towards our doom.

I'd had enough and was ready to bail. My friend shouted to the driver to stop and let us out. We were never so relieved to be on a dark street, in the middle of the night, in Chicago. We walked the several blocks to our hotel where we opened a bottle (or two) of wine and got smashed. 

Would I do another weekend getaway? Hell, yes.

*Title is Shakespeare quote from Macbeth 

*Artwork using freepik and Lunapic