When Women Condone The Patriarchy

 

I wasn't going to write about Malala Yousafzai's book, 'Finding My Way,' because for me it was just sort of looking in on a person I admire. I wanted to see how she was doing after having read her first memoir years ago. In this book, Yousafzai writes about her time at Oxford where she finally learned to be independent and break away from an overbearing mother. This is also the time she started to have flashbacks and panic attacks after years of not remembering the day a man walked onto a bus, demanded to know which girl was Malala, then he shot the fifteen year old girl in her head. She still suffers paralysis in her facial nerves but after dozens of surgeries she seemed to have crossed many hurdles - until the nightmares began. 

I like Malala. I admire her tremendously, something she doesn't understand. "Why does everyone think I'm a hero?" runs through her mind throughout the book. Because at the age of eleven she spoke against her Pakastani government, ruled by the Taliban, who treated women worse than animals. They were not allowed to go further in school after the sixth grade. They were promised in marriage at the age of ten. Malala recalls instances where girls are poisoned by their own family if they refuse a marriage. They are ruled as suicides and no one seeks the truth. It was not just the girls who suffered here. She recalls an incident where she finds her five year old brother digging a hole in their backyard. She asks him what he's doing. He replies, "Digging my grave." 

The horrible incident on the bus allowed Malala and family safe passage to England where they learned to live in a whole different culture. Her extrovert father, a man who believed in equality for his daughter excelled in his new environment as did Malala's two brothers. Her mother cried every day for years for the loss of her former life. She remained entrenched in the Middle Eastern culture where men are in charge and women obey. Malala and her mother were always at each other because of the blatant contradictory way she was expected to behave while her brothers were treated far better. They had very little rules and assimilated into the British lifestyle. Malala was still expected to wear the traditional kameez and hijab. She could not date even after she went off to Oxford. And like most girls who are kept on a short metaphorical leash who eventually rebel, Malala did as well. She is also a bit of a contradiction in that she believes in equality for women yet prefers to wear the hijab. I didn't quite understand her reasoning for continuing to wear the head scarf. To me and many other people it's a symbol of repression. You are not to be looked at. You are to be ignored because you are nothing.

So, I wasn't going to write about her, until I saw this story. A Middle Eastern, 37 year old woman, gave birth to a boy after bearing ten girls. Naturally, father is ecstatic. His mare wife finally gave him something worthwhile. He confesses he doesn't even remember the names of his daughters. What really killed me is the photo that went along with the story. I think you can guess what has gotten me so angry that I am shaking. For these women who have little choices in life and must obey the whims of the patriarchy I am heartbroken. For the men who read this, forgive me for sometimes hating your gender with every fiber of my being. But, it isn't just men who exploit women. Malala's own mother would not budge from a past that demanded she submit to a male. I don't even think she realizes what an absolutely fantastic man she was handed over to in marriage. She insisted she and her daughter remain chained to an oppressive ideology even after she no longer had to live that way. She refused to learn English until years later. Her boys were allowed to backtalk and disrespect women. Malala was always the target and was warned to never bring shame upon them. This was the young girl who supported her family. Not just her parents, but relatives still living in Pakistan. Yet her mother warns her to not bring shame to her family. It makes me sick to even write this.

We aren't faring much better in this country. Women are losing the right to decide what is best for them. There are women in this country who have had to carry their dead baby inside of them because of laws installed by men. Women still earn less than their male colleagues while doing the same job. Women are still the primary caregivers who must balance a life between being a wife, mother and wage earner. Women are fed up with the double standards and many refuse to be a part of playacting, pretending, coddling or being a tool for men. Instead of trying to make life better and allow women equal opportunities men are becoming whiny bitches who can't understand why women no longer want or need them. We see every day the maga mentality, even among the women who have altered their bodies to be accepted by the male species. They have been able to create the illusion they are independent career women but each and every one of them answers to a man. Karoline Leavitt, Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem... they have zero input. They are lip injected mouth pieces.

Honestly, I don't have high expectations that this huge disparity will change in the near future, especially when women still accept it and even condone it. 

Malala has a hard time accepting the fact that she is a very special person. Not only because she stood up to horrible men but she defied her own mother who never seemed to see the beautiful and brave woman before her. Such a pity. What a loss for you.